Today is the Third

First I looked at sexy men. Then I looked at colorful artwork. Then I scrolled through photos of elephants.

I'm addicted to Pinterest dammit.

I've literally been sitting in this really fucking uncomfortable chair for so long that my right shoulder is achy from maneuvering the mouse. There's a friendly little reminder that I'm terribly out of shape. Sore from surfing the internet? Jesus.

I had a really long conversation today with one of my staffers. I enjoyed it. And that's all I'm going to say about that cause that's work and this is the internet. You understand.

I can tell you about this adorable little boy that came in today. He came right up to a dog that was in the store, asked if he could pet. I was immediately impressed-most kids don't know that asking first is a good idea.

After he'd sufficiently ruffled the pup's fur, he turned to me with his four year old hands in his pockets and said in a forty year old voice, "I had a dog once. But he died."

I consoled him appropriately, completely entertained by this old soul in overalls.

"We have a new dog now." Pause. "You know, sometimes, you turn to compost."

I exchanged amused glances with his mother who smiled, a little embarrassed, "We've been talking about that a lot."

"Sometimes though..., " the young philosopher went on, "...sometimes you just die."

"I suppose that's true isn't it?" I agreed, but he had moved on, a squeaky toy diverting his attention.


Later I was asked how things were going with my boyfriend and I had to do that weird awkward correction that you have to do when you break up with someone. I got the Puppy. The Puppy is that look people give  you when they suddenly feel like an ass for bringing up a sore subject. You know the one. A slight head tilt to one side, squinty eye and pouty face of sympathy. It's not their fault. How could they know the guy you thought was the one you were going to be with  forever turned out not to be? But I'm not going to lie and say everything is fine when I feel like punching you in the throat for just a second, because you said his name.  I'll be fine.

I almost called him the other night after I'd finished looking over my 2013 notes...There were a lot of them that mentioned him and it made me fall back in love with those first few months. I almost called to tell him that I just wished him well because I do. I almost called to tell him that I wanted to give things another try and then someone texted me. Thank you my friend because you told me at just the right time, all things I already knew.

I almost called to see how he was because let's be honest; I want to know if he's feeling as shitty about this as I am. I want to know if he's thought about me at all, missed me, wondered how I am. I almost called to tell him  that I missed his skin, and smile and the way he called me 'baby'.  But I didn't. Because I know it doesn't matter and I'm not saying that to be all sad. I'm saying it because it really doesn't. If it did, I wouldn't have to tell him.

I kind of hope he feels a little shitty. Just a little.