Just a Day

Sometimes, it's just a day. Go to work, run errands, come home and then....what?

This is when I hear myself get all chastise-y. I start saying things to myself like,  "Well, you could go back to school." Or "Why don't you go volunteer for something?" and "Seriously, are you EVER going to get your driver's license?" "Watching old reruns of Different Strokes and eating bacon for dinner isn't really making the most of your life you know. Even if it was the Muhammad Ali episode."

Told you I wasn't always nice to myself.

School is expensive. And I don't know what I want to be when I grow up so why go and it's scary and I'm too old and fuck I STILL DON'T KNOW what I want to BE.

Volunteer for what? Being sarcastic to strangers? Do you even have time where would you volunteer you'd get tired and be worthless and dammit I don't KNOW WHAT I WANT to DO.

Drive. DRIVE. Your dad wants you to and you could actually fucking go places on your own and it's scary and new and expensive and I'm embarrassed I don't drive already and shit you DON'T KNOW WHERE you'd GO.

I want to eat really fucking badly and watch reruns of Snapped. I want to sleep as soon as I get up for the day and I want to see how long it takes for me to start to smell.

But I don't. Well, I'm working on the eating thing. Not really. Whatever. Fuck it. MOON PIES

I want to call him and tell him to come over. I want him to tell me that everything will be different and that his love for me is so strong that he'll do anything as long as I do too so we can build the life we'd talked about and live happily ever after because goddammit WHY can't the fairy tales be just a little bit real?

Sometimes it's just a day I guess.