My Boobs Hurt

*My boobs hurt. This is usually a sign of the **Almighty Uterus readying itself to house a child. For the umpteenth month in a row, it is all for naught.

I'm nowhere near close to being pregnant.

Today, right now, I'm ok with that.

Some days the ovaries scream very loud and every little person under 3 feet is adorable. Yeah, sure, even midgets. (Is it still ok to refer to them as 'midgets'?)

But today I'm ok with the fact that the only responsibility I had when I came home was to feed my cats and if I was an asshole, I wouldn't even do that. I'm reminded every day that not everyone thinks of their four leggeds as family. Just about as many that do.

On my way home from a long day I started thinking about babies. Mostly because I smacked my boob with my backpack's strap  and it pained me and the pain sent a message to my brain and instead of 'ow', I heard 'you should be pregnant.'

Sore boobs=pregnant? Sure can.

Sore boobs=34 year old PMS?  There ya go.

I was convinced that the whole biological clock thing was bullshit. Of course, I had this thought when I was 21 and procreating was the farthest thing from my mind. 

My coworker is pregnant. My best friend wants to be pregnant. My other best friend wants to be pregnant again.

The need is all around me so why shouldn't my boobs want to be in on it? The Almighty Uterus is like a guest room. Just because it isn't being used, you still want it to look nice and be ready for when guests arrive.


Ok, so that leaves for a nice segue into my lack of sex life but I think I'm gonna go give my boobs a piece of chocolate. Or Chocolat-sometimes only Johnny Depp will do.

*Side tangent: I've had the opinion that women should not have breasts unless they are pregnant as their whole purpose is to swell with milk and feed a youngling. And to get free drinks. They're good for that too.
**Almighty Uterus is capitalized because it fucking deserves to be. It can make LIFE.