A Little Angsty

I'm wearing the nightgown you used to like. The thin white one with the blue flowers and the strings at the top. The strings you used to slowly pull, your eyes swimming in mine.

I'm listening to that song that reminds me of you. The one with the line in it that makes my heart hurt and smile at the same time. The hurt that is both familiar and a stranger.

I can smell the faintest whiff of your laundry soap still in the shirt I kept. The one I asked you to let me wear so that I could breathe you into my dreams.

I can feel your lips against my neck, whispering promises you won't keep.

I'm trying to understand the rejection and the hurt and the never feeling like I was enough. The feeling of unwanted. The feeling that eventually I gave in to, said goodbye to.

I'm rebuilding the confidence you destroyed in me. The confidence you killed with consistent avoidance.  The bit of me you slowly pulled away, your eyes never leaving mine.


I didn't particularly want to think of my ex-boyfriend tonight but there he is-dancing the polka around in my brain. I don't know why he'd be dancing the polka, but it just fits somehow. 

I miss him. I miss the companionship we had. I miss him being home when I got there after a long day at work. I miss seeing his face in the morning after he just woke up. I miss listening to him brush his teeth at the end of the night-always the same. I miss cooking dinner together and sharing laughter and knowing that I had someone that loved me. 

But sometimes love isn't enough. I didn't know that until I met him. I tried to let it be enough...I wanted it to be. But sometimes...


love isn't enough. 


Broken
Bruised
Beaten
Used
Inside 

Stronger
Learned
Lessons
Burned
Inside