The Church Across the Street

The church across the street rejoices loudly. I have my windows open all the time and usually I don't mind the noise. It sounds a bit like monks chanting and sometimes it's actually quite pleasant. I  imagine I'm in  a zen garden and there's water flowing (my cat's fountain) and the air smells like cherry blossoms (yay Yankee candles) and all is peaceful in the world.

Other times I want to scream "All hail the Dark One!" out those open windows.

Ok. I don't really hail the Dark One. But I am around people all the time. When I get home, it's nice to not be around anyone sometimes and when they are singing for long periods of time, into the later hours of the evening when I have to get up at the ass crack...You can see where this might start to suck.

If I have to turn up the volume on my television because the chanting drowns out the dialogue of Rupaul's drag queens, well let's just say I've contemplated how the police might respond to a noise complaint.

Could you imagine being that asshole? "Hello, I'd like to lodge a complaint. The church across the way is singing their praises too loudly. I can't hear my reality tv."

Truth is, it's not that bad. I don't mind the singing really, because I usually am able to achieve zen-ishdom. (*Ok, every time I type the word 'zen' my mind goes to Kung Fu Panda-just sayin')

It's the kids that irritate me. After church services are over (and they have them at least 4 times a week) all the small people run around outside in the church's parking lot, screaming, playing, enjoying their youth. It's annoying as hell. I lay awake sometimes playing the 'was that a scream of help or laughter?' game.

Maybe it's because my windows are open but I lived in a basement apartment with no windows for soooo long and natural light is pretty! I never close my blinds either. Maybe their loud rejoicing is actually punishment for that. Because I lived without windows for so long, I sort of got used to no one being able to see into my apartment and I did a lot of things naked. I'd watch tv in the buff, or do chores-anyone who walked by would be none the wiser.

Shortly after moving in ,I started vacuuming with nothing but my skivvies on and I was focused on the task so much that I didn't notice the cars pulling into the lot across the street. It was only when the stained glass windows began to glow that I looked up and saw at least a dozen parishioners milling about. It hit me that if I could see them, they could see me. These windows didn't work like 2 year old peek-a-boo. I immediately drew the blinds but then shrugged my shoulders and continued vacuuming.  Little late to be shy I suppose.

That has to be why they're so loud.  It's gotta be payback for that time I flashed my sinful flesh.