Snowing

Ever been snowed? I mean, like when you meet someone and you think they're amazing-a real gem-and then later you realize they're just awful?

I've hired a couple people that have snowed me. One guy came into his interview wearing a suit and tie. He laughed and answered the questions with enthusiasm and promise. I hired him with confidence. Within a week I realized I'd made a mistake. He would suddenly not feel well on days when a football game was on. He would have a back injury in the middle of the week and then be fine the next day. When he was at work he'd wander the aisles, touching product but never actually doing anything. I found out after I fired him that he used to cat call women as they walked by the store-claiming he was 'drumming up business'.

I promoted someone that ended up stealing from us. 

I promoted a girl that was stoned all the time. 

I hired one guy that I ended up firing after a month because he did nothing but sit behind the counter. The rest of the team celebrated his departure. 

The first person I ever fired was a 60 something year old woman. She and I had been working nights together for months and had many a conversation about life. I knew deep down she wasn't a very good employee but now suddenly I was her boss and expected to do something about it. 

The day came when I had to sit down with her and explain why she couldn't work with us anymore. I was a wreck. I was shaking, crying and felt absolutely terrible. It was 2 weeks before Thanksgiving, she was an elderly woman that lived alone and had recently confessed that she had nothing-not even enough money to pay for heat through the winter. And I was about to fire her. 

She seemed angry at first, then quickly let it go. She actually ended up comforting me before leaving the store. 

The staff hated me for awhile. They had no problem telling me how unfair they thought it was that I'd fired someone who had been with the company longer than me. Someone that in fact had helped show me around the store, given me countless rides home and been one of the few people to show support when I'd been promoted. 

I didn't blame them. I hated me too. I battled over whether I'd done the right thing or if I'd succumbed to the clutches of a coporate way of thinking. I lost myself for a little while and nearly quit a handful of times. I listened to staff tell me they thought I was a shitty leader, that I didn't know what I was doing. I believed them. I heard them say often they didn't want to work for me. 

Eventually I pushed through the negativity. I befriended and clung to anyone that seemingly understood what I was going through as a very new, very scared manager. 

I learned how to respond to harsh criticism with a tough skin. I learned how to tell someone to fuck off without saying exactly that. I learned how to hire. And to fire. I learned how to help others see when they should move on too. I became a mentor and a good person. A strong and effective leader that still had a heart. I found balance. 

So much of what I learned as a manager has bled into my everyday life. I still make mistakes and get snowed from people, but not like I used to. I listen to my gut, my intuition. I pay attention to my feelings when I first meet someone and how I feel after I've spent time with them. I give people a chance to be who they are and then decide if I want to 'hire' them. We choose our friends, our people as we get older and how wonderful that I've learned how to do just that. 

I have a wonderful support system of friends and family and friends that are family and it feels....warm. No chance of snow.