Arachnaphobia

A spider the size of a kraken just scurried across the carpet. Normally, I let the little fellas do their thing (unless they're in the shower-then all bets are off) but this guy I could have ridden.

I called to the Fella for backup.
"Turn on the overhead light."

He spotted the creature right away and turned to me with a look of intensity. "Get the vacuum."

I hauled ass to the living room, thankful we'd been too lazy to put the vacuum away upstairs earlier. I grabbed it and came back to the doorway to find him staring at the floor in the place where Shelob had been when I left.

"Now plug it in and hand me the hose."

I nodded, did as he asked. "Don't take your eye off that bastard."
"Oh no," he said, "I've got him. He's not going anywhere." Pause. "He IS big huh? Better hand me the extension."

He fit the vacuum hose, aimed, and nodded to me, "Ok. Turn it on." I went to turn it off when he stopped me with a wave of his hand, "Give it a minute."

We stood there, vacuuming one spot in the carpet until the Fella announced he could see Aragog was trapped and no longer plotting little evil spider plots behind my bookcase.

It's giant freaky carcass was almost sad, laying there among the cat hair and dust bunnies. Almost.

I felt a little like the girl on the table when there's a mouse, calling the Fella in to 'save' me. Especially when I kissed him and told him he was my hero. To which he replied, "Well it's not like I bare knuckle wrestled him or anything."

But I was able to rationalize my spider death guilt by convincing myself there's no way he hadn't had a good life. I mean, he must have eaten well. Probably was on his way to the neighbor's to eat their 7 year old when he came across my path.

No , the eight legged fiend in a better place now, no doubt partying it up in some weird arachnid heaven with other giant beasts of fright that left this world in a vortex of wind. By the way, The Fella not only emptied the vacuum in to the garbage but then took the garbage out to the garage. He's a keeper that one.

I know now I can safely return to my Stephen King book and not be scared by some creature....wait....

Shut up.