Driving by that crumpled bicycle this morning rattled me. The flashing blue and red lights were so bright in my eyes, I could do nothing but look. The site soon blurred as tears built.
A 'thank you' came from someone unexpected. And it was genuine. Only two words, but they came with a smile and honest appreciation-things I needed today.
Three conversations with people I'm lucky to know. Three separate conversations where I'm reminded that not only are they important to me, but I am to them.
Three more times tears pricked my eyes.
My mind is just flooding. I can't focus on tv, on this blog, on a book, or on my thoughts.
I jump from the accident this morning, to the kind words from a coworker, to a text chain filled with concern about a completely different matter, to my mom and how much I miss her right now. How very much.
Then they jump to my grateful heart, full of love for family and friends. To the upcoming party, to having new neighbors, to planning a trip to the grocery store and that weird pain in my finger.
I fucking hate this. I just wanted to sit in my chair and NOT think tonight and instead I'm drowning in myself. But it won't stop just because I want it to.
So I have to let it.
I have to take each thought-every flooding wave- and process it. I have to accept any feelings that get stirred and allow them to flow through-slowly, carefully- so I can begin again. So I can move on to the next thought. The next wave.
I have to breathe. And focus. I have to work at staying strong, at remembering the little things as the waves hit. Because I will not drown.
Perfect leaf.
Good coffee.
Cat face nudges.
Mild Autumn evenings.
Cookies.
Good book.
Calm waters after a storm.
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