Walk in the Woods

I went to the park after work today.  I drove right by my street and down the hill and into peace. 

I needed to be with trees and birdsong and evening frog croaks and...myself. 

There were several signs cautioning me to not leave valuables in my car so I grabbed my purse and shoved my keys in my jacket pocket. It was a little cold, but I dressed warmly today. The chill on my cheeks had been there already from the tears. 

I didn't have a great day. Not every day is great and that's ok, but this one rattled me a bit. I let it. 

The tree canopy above me was gold and green. The trunks were black, smeared with moss patches. It smelled good. Like crushed leaves and wood and October. 

There were others on the path and it annoyed me. I wanted to be alone. I tried to ignore them but inevitably I'd look up at the last second to catch them smiling, nodding a hello. I didn't want to be smiled at. I was sad. I was letting myself be sad. 

I watched the ducks move through an algae filled pond. In the wood railing surrounding it, among the hearts and the initials + someone else's initials, a word had been carved.  "Patience." 

I walked away, swallowing tears again. Patience. I need to be patient with myself. 

I'm still learning to accept my feelings. 

I'm still learning to listen to myself too. I went to the park after work today. By myself. I made the decision to not go home right away and to go to a place I knew made me feel calm. I recognized that was what I needed, where I could go to find it, and then I did it. I accepted it. 

  

While walking among the trees, I was taking pictures. Branches against the sky that looked like arms reaching. Green, gold, orange and red leaves decorating the ground and crossing my path. I suddenly knew I had to find the perfect leaf. I began walking with my head down, searching for the perfect leaf to show itself to me. 

As I searched, my mind wandered back to troublesome thoughts. The leaves all started to look brown and dirty, blending together.  I was kicking them instead of gliding through. I started thinking it was ridiculous to find one leaf to photograph.  

I was about to give up when I saw it and stopped.   

I reached for my phone and then shoved it back into my pocket, started walking again. I got just far enough to decide it was ok to go back and take the picture. For me to decide I'd found it. I took my phone back out of my pocket and crouched down, getting close to the leaf.  Yellow and curled slightly on one side, it rested against the side of my path. The sun was hitting just the edge of an upturned corner, giving the leaf a warm glow. Sometimes I'll take two or three shots to find the right angle but this time, one was all I needed. I turned off the camera on my phone and took a deep breath, let it out slowly. 

Patience. 

I stood up from the leaf and put my hands back in my pockets, cold. A couple was walking towards me. I looked up and met their smile with a nod. 

She smiled back, "Beautiful isn't it?" 

"Yes, it is."