Get Back To Where You Once Belonged

I went to the doctor today. Just a well check thing, to establish a relationship with a new health care physician.

I'm not fans of such things. But I went. And I drove there myself, realizing later- it was the first time I'd gone to the doctor by myself.

I walked into a warm office and immediately noticed they had a cat. A beautiful Siamese with the bluest eyes I've ever seen. It gazed at me sleepily and then curled back into a furry  ball.

I was nervous. The first visit is always the most awkward. You're sharing all your physical and sometimes mental weaknesses with a stranger. I tried to take comfort in knowing it was  the right thing for me to do.

The room I ended up in was canary yellow. It had a pedestal sink, a scale like the one I have at home and a poster of a naked woman. I felt myself begin to ease while I waited for the doctor.

She came in smiling and introduced herself. We talked about why I was there, what I wanted to do...she listened. She gave suggestions and while she acknowledged my weight, instead of telling me it was the root of all my problems, she gave me suggestions-helpful suggestions-on how to improve. She listened to my history and made a few more suggestions. She smiled encouragingly, not condescendingly.

I felt better. I felt heard.

I have some changes to make. I felt that was going to be the case but for the first time since I was diagnosed with depression, I felt like I might actually get some help. She wasn't quick to shove a new pill down my throat. She made some suggestions about changes I can make to my lifestyle that make sense.

But they're going to be hard. I may be slightly miserable for a few weeks as my body and mind adjust.

I'm so tired of feeling...not good. So I will try. I came home and told the Fella about the changes I wanted to make and he hugged me, told me he would support me all the way. I'm very lucky to have him in my life, in my corner.

I was so nervous about this appointment and now it feels like it may be the beginning of yet another chapter for me. The chapter where I start to get back to where I used to be. Inside and outside.