I don't go there much anymore. I found myself identifying too close to some of the others. I'd hear memories and stories and want so badly to take everyone's pain, knowing there was no way I could.
It only enhanced my own pain so... I ran from it.
Loss & Abandonment Issues haunted me for a while. Now they're shifting into Anxiety.
I was standing next to my boyfriend while he was reading something and he exclaimed in surprise. I jumped, hoped he wouldn't notice.
At work I pause and listen at blind corners so I don't get frightened by someone coming down the hallway.
Every child laughing outside sounds like a cat's cry. I stop, listening and trying to decide if it's one or the other... every single time.
I feel like I'm trapped in a glass box and I can't stop looking around me at all sides. A goldfish frantic in its bowl.
Sadness is hanging in there too, dancing with The Unknown and making lumps form in the back of my throat. My eyes stay puffy with lack of sleep and tearful moments. I turn down my street and my heart sags. I turn my music up to try and drown out...everything.
I tell everyone I'm working on being stronger when really I feel I'm succumbing to my own weakness. I know this is temporary. I'm clear-headed and recognize that I'm going to get through all the emotions. I always do. So for now...
I'm painting, writing, coloring... tonight I sewed. Anything to make myself feel secure, calm, happy, content.
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