Mermaid Tale

I had a crush on Prince Eric. Ursula was a personal hero and I thought Sebastian was strangely exotic with his accent and lip puckering. I understood Ariel and saw my own father in Triton. I watched The Little Mermaid on a tiny television that came off my dad's boat. My VHS copy had the "dirty picture" drawn into the cover.

In 1990 I was 13 and I watched that movie all. the. time. My friends and I watched it religiously. A boy touched my boob for the first time during that movie. Under a blanket, over the shirt and it might have been an accident but it still counted.

I knew all the songs and my friends and I sang along with an animated mermaid at top volume about thingamabobs and whozits. No shame in our lack of tone. Sometimes Mom would sing along with us. Her favorite was 'Kiss the Girl'. She always laughed at the part with the little tadpoles.

I saw Splash when I was 7 and two things happened. I began a lifelong crush on Tom Hanks and I became convinced mermaids were real. It seemed perfectly plausible that people could live in the Puget Sound breathing water and gliding through seaweed forests. I was an imaginative child.

When I got to visit dad while he was working, I'd stand near the edge of the dock and stare down into the inky water willing a beautiful fish person to surface.

Once, in my twenties, while experimenting with shrooms I did the same thing on a downtown pier. I almost jumped.


I re-watched the Disney classic recently and fell in love with all of it all over again. Price Eric was still dreamy, Ursula was still a badass and Sebastian's voice still made me pay attention. I still heard mom's voice singing along. This time though, I identified with Triton and felt empathy for Ariel. Poor kid. Being 16 is so hard.

Being almost 40 is hard too. But it helps to have something to believe in. I'm not religious and I don't really believe in mermaids anymore but I do believe in the magic that I feel when I'm near the ocean. I believe in the green leaves on giant oak trees and the pale purple of Spring lilacs. I believe there is something bigger than me that will never let me jump, no matter how tempting the water.

I wonder if it has a pretty tail.