100

I've been sitting here for awhile now, watching tv, surfing sites-trying to figure out what kind of amazing entry I can make for such a milestone.

I got nuthin'.

It's Saturday, which means my Friday and I ended my week after an 11 hour day. My feet ache, between my shoulders it's all pinchy and when I get up too pee, I'm bent in half like Quasimoto until I'm halfway down the hall.

I had to have a 'discussion' with a staff member today. One of those conversations where I say things I didn't even know I knew how to say and when I feel like I really am a leader.

I dealt with an asshat. Looking back on why I dubbed him as such...I can't even remember what he said because, really-shit like that doesn't matter.

I thought earlier I might cry but I got through it.

I remember not too long ago feeling very overwhelmed with, well, everything. I couldn't deal with work, or being without J., or my weight gain. I felt like shit. A lot. I didn't even realize how much until I didn't anymore.

I changed my mind about some things. I made a few lifestyle changes and tried not letting my thoughts consume me. I started feeling good about letting things go. Including J. I feel...liberated.

Fall is going to be here soon. Football seems to have started early this year too. And the hype for pumpkin things seems to be in more places. Have they finally commercialized a part of nature?

I miss the water. I really want to go to the ocean and when I get my car it's one of the first places I'm going to go by myself. I can see myself so clearly sitting in the driver's seat, windows down, music-my whatever I want to listen to music- and at night. I want to drive down empty roads until I meet the coastline and then just sit and listen to the waves. I'll get out and sit in the damp sand until the wind makes my face numb from cold and then I'll get back into my car and come home.

Or maybe I'd stay. Transfer the money I'm supposed to be saving for whatever I might need it for and stay in a tiny little motel on the beach. I'd write bad poetry on motel stationery and watch a Lifetime movie I would never watch at home. Oh and I'd take a bath because I won't have to clean it afterwards. Maybe in the morning I'd get up in time to drink bad motel room coffee on a balcony facing a gray sky and ocean. I'd leave a small tip for the maid because my mom taught me too and then I'd get back in my car and come home.

Freedom is going to taste so delicious. I've always felt pretty independent but this...this is going to be different. I'm going to be able to experience things on my own that I never have before. I'm going to be introduced to the newest chapter of who I'll be and that's gonna be neat.

The 100th blog.  Great place to start.