I'm 36 years old. Wait...37? No, no, 36. And I love cartoons. They're innocent and fun and they allow me to escape grown-updom a little bit. I will defend every single one I watch.
Except Disney.
I've watched Walt's creations since I was small and I have fond memories tied into nearly every story. Back before they were really about the new "princess", they had such a wonderful story vibe. They whisked you away with clever songs and brightly colored backgrounds.
I remember thinking in high school,'They're going to run out of fairy tales." And then Aladdin came out and I was like, 'whoa.'
I have seen nearly all of them-Cinderella a favorite followed closely by Alice in Wonderland and later, The Little Mermaid. But not because of Cinderella's dress or Ariel's hair. (For Alice it was all about the fantastic adventure and I'll probably watch that one before any of the others.) No it was about mom and me curled up on the couch reading those stories and then watching them together. Watching them so many times that we could quote them to one another and I'd often catch mom humming "Kiss the Girl" while she did dishes.
I love The Parent Trap because I've always wanted a twin and Pollyanna because I always wanted to live somewhere that had a white gazebo in the park and they had street fairs with giant pieces of yellow cake run by women that smelled like lilacs.
I put myself into those movies. I became Alice, and Ariel with all her crustacean buddies. Hell, Triton might as well have been my dad. I was nice like Pollyanna and clever like the twins from Parent Trap.
It wasn't until Nemo that I noticed the all the death. Someone always dies (or is already dead) in Disney flicks. If they aren't dead, they have some sort of parental issue. Incredibles is the first one that comes to mind where a main character doesn't die. Unless you count Gaser Beam and I totally don't.
As I've said, I've seen almost all of them and tonight I started to rewatch Dumbo. Despite my love of elephants, something had been holding me back from watching the classic again as an adult. Tonight I pushed play on Netflix and started crying five minutes in. All the feels! I couldn't handle it. The mom was sad cause the stork flaked and all the other animals had their babies. Then the old "mean girl" elephants gave her all kinds of the business when the stork finally did show, and then they laughed at her kid! Bitches. I didn't even remember she named him Jumbo Jr., not Dumbo!
And then I started thinking about my feelings watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer the other night. How it was full of bullying and sexist comments and how much both me and Disney have changed over the years.
Except for all the death and weird family issues.
I guess if Disney taught me anything, it's that death and bad things will always be there. I just have to chose how I'm going to deal with them.
I like making lists.
Little Mermaid: Where's Mrs. Triton? Dead? Dad is overly protective
Alice in Wonderland: It's her sister reading the book in the beginning. No mum and daddy? Also, drugs much?
Cinderella: dad died, Cindy gets a wicked stepmother
Beauty & the Beast: no mom, dad's mental, Belle has a creepy stalker
Aladdin: street rat=orphan Also, Jasmine's mom is nowhere to be found
Finding Nemo: mom gets eaten
Bambi: Bang!
Snow White: Mom died, dad remarries hag
Sleeping Beauty: parents leave her with fairies
Sword in the Stone: orphan adopted by crazy old man
Mary Poppins: mom and dad are totally self involved; kids are practically orphans until weird woman comes out of the sky and gives them medicine that makes them hallucinate
Jungle Book: orphan, raised by wolves
Up: that first fucking ten minutes
Pinnochio: made of wood, gets eaten by a whale, not a 'real' boy
Lion King: dad gets trampled to death by WILDEBEESTS
I think I've made my point. And really, it's just this. If you're having a shit day, maybe missing your mom a little, don't watch Dumbo.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
An Evening with Frankie
I love Frank Sinatra. His voice is so soft and relaxed and...true.
All of his songs are wonderful but my favorite is "The Way You Look Tonight". The finger snaps and easy rhymes. The innocent flirting with the lilts in his eyes. Even if you didn't already know he had beautiful baby blues, you would be able to tell from the way he sang.
The lyrics to that song are so great.
Some day, when I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight
Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheek so soft
There is nothing for me but to love you
And the way you look tonight
With each word your tenderness grows
Tearin' my fear apart
And that laugh..wrinkles your nose
Touches my foolish heart
Lovely ... Never, never change
Keep that breathless charm
Won't you please arrange it ? 'cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight
I mean, seriously. How can you not get all swoon-y when that song is playing? It conjures all kinds of things for me. It reminds me of my friend-it's the only song I'd dance to in the bar. He always asked me and we'd do the silly dip and twirl dance on alcohol stained carpets but it meant the world to me. Especially when I had a crush on him.
(Ok, I copy/pasted the lyrics and now there's a weird gap in my paragraphs and it's driving me nuts but I can't figure out how to fix it so I'm just going to keep going and pretend it's fine)
I think about Guys and Dolls (Frankie's in it) and how adorable that movie is. It's so simple-almost Tarzan grunt simple-because it's a musical so everyone falls in love within the time it takes to sing about it. Simple. I grew up watching musicals so maybe that's why I'm so stuck on the idea that love shouldn't be so damn hard.
Figured out that the whole knight on a horse thing didn't happen a long time ago but (Wait. Are my paragraphs normal again? Sweet.) I never really stopped hoping that I'd have romance. My parents were very affectionate with one another. Dad would come in from doing Dad things and kiss the back of my mom's neck as she washed dishes. They rarely called each other by their actual names. It was always, Love, Dear, Sweetheart, Honey...and those endearments have trickled into my own vocabulary. I was lucky to have both of my parents for as long as I did. I never doubted that they loved each other and that they were happy with each other-even if they weren't. Watching them made me hope for something similar.
Listening to Frankie brings that romance out of me. It makes me want to wear bobby socks and poodle skirts a little too but mostly it makes my heart all full and mushy. It makes me wish for sweet kisses on the back of the neck, for someone to beg me to never change. For someone to admit there is nothing for them, but to love me.
All of his songs are wonderful but my favorite is "The Way You Look Tonight". The finger snaps and easy rhymes. The innocent flirting with the lilts in his eyes. Even if you didn't already know he had beautiful baby blues, you would be able to tell from the way he sang.
The lyrics to that song are so great.
Some day, when I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight
Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheek so soft
There is nothing for me but to love you
And the way you look tonight
With each word your tenderness grows
Tearin' my fear apart
And that laugh..wrinkles your nose
Touches my foolish heart
Lovely ... Never, never change
Keep that breathless charm
Won't you please arrange it ? 'cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight
I mean, seriously. How can you not get all swoon-y when that song is playing? It conjures all kinds of things for me. It reminds me of my friend-it's the only song I'd dance to in the bar. He always asked me and we'd do the silly dip and twirl dance on alcohol stained carpets but it meant the world to me. Especially when I had a crush on him.
(Ok, I copy/pasted the lyrics and now there's a weird gap in my paragraphs and it's driving me nuts but I can't figure out how to fix it so I'm just going to keep going and pretend it's fine)
I think about Guys and Dolls (Frankie's in it) and how adorable that movie is. It's so simple-almost Tarzan grunt simple-because it's a musical so everyone falls in love within the time it takes to sing about it. Simple. I grew up watching musicals so maybe that's why I'm so stuck on the idea that love shouldn't be so damn hard.
Figured out that the whole knight on a horse thing didn't happen a long time ago but (Wait. Are my paragraphs normal again? Sweet.) I never really stopped hoping that I'd have romance. My parents were very affectionate with one another. Dad would come in from doing Dad things and kiss the back of my mom's neck as she washed dishes. They rarely called each other by their actual names. It was always, Love, Dear, Sweetheart, Honey...and those endearments have trickled into my own vocabulary. I was lucky to have both of my parents for as long as I did. I never doubted that they loved each other and that they were happy with each other-even if they weren't. Watching them made me hope for something similar.
Listening to Frankie brings that romance out of me. It makes me want to wear bobby socks and poodle skirts a little too but mostly it makes my heart all full and mushy. It makes me wish for sweet kisses on the back of the neck, for someone to beg me to never change. For someone to admit there is nothing for them, but to love me.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Lindsay's Favorite Things (Suck it Oprah)
I was cooking myself some breakfast this morning, dancing around the kitchen to some old Billy Joel tune and I started thinking about how perfectly perfect that moment felt. How feeling those perfect moments is one of the absolute favorite things in my whole put together. True to form, I started thinking about other perfect moments and eventually that led me to remember that Oprah had her own freaking show about all the things she loved and how much she irritates me all high and mighty with her riches and how all I had was a blog that I hadn't written on in forever....and now I'm here. It all comes back to Why Oprah is Wretched
Here, my dear reader (if there are any of you left) are a few of my favorite things.
1. Breakfast. For dinner, out in a fancy restaurant, in a shitty diner...doesn't matter. What does matter is the coffee, the company and whether or not they have eggs benedict on the menu-even if I don't want it.
2. White lights in ficus trees for year round or multi colored lights on a Christmas tree. I love the soft glow the lights make when the house is otherwise cast in shadow.
3. Crunching fall leaves. The crisp air, that lovely satisfying crunch as you giant-step through a pile of burnt red and orange leaves...It just always makes me smile.
4. Hearing a song that you've heard a million times but finally listening to it. I did that recently with 'Fire & Rain' by James Taylor. Jesus that song is sad. As I listened to it, singing along with the chorus, I got goosebumps because there is some serious pain in those lyrics. Go back and listen to it again. Haunting.
5. My boyfriend's feet with mine as we fall asleep. Perfect
6. Getting goodies in the mail from Amazon. It's not like I don't know what I'm getting-I ordered it. But a package on your doorstep that you definitely know isn't a bomb or some sort of Seven tribute is awesome. *You get a bonus point if you know the reference by the way.
7. Passing a level in fucking Candy Crush. Stupid, addicting internet game.
8. Head butts from my calico. Even if I'm irritated at the world, if she gets in my face and starts giving me nudges, I smile and start cooing ridiculous little kitty songs to her.
9. First sip of coffee. I didn't realize I audibly sighed with pleasure when I took that first sip until my coworker pointed it out. Sweet, sweet caffeinated nectar.
10. Fast forwarding through commercials and stopping just seconds before the show is back. Gets a fist pump and a 'yessss!' every time.
So....there you have it. And you know what? Almost all of my favorite things don't cost $250+. Maybe it's because I'm not a media icon....yet. ;-)
Here, my dear reader (if there are any of you left) are a few of my favorite things.
1. Breakfast. For dinner, out in a fancy restaurant, in a shitty diner...doesn't matter. What does matter is the coffee, the company and whether or not they have eggs benedict on the menu-even if I don't want it.
2. White lights in ficus trees for year round or multi colored lights on a Christmas tree. I love the soft glow the lights make when the house is otherwise cast in shadow.
3. Crunching fall leaves. The crisp air, that lovely satisfying crunch as you giant-step through a pile of burnt red and orange leaves...It just always makes me smile.
4. Hearing a song that you've heard a million times but finally listening to it. I did that recently with 'Fire & Rain' by James Taylor. Jesus that song is sad. As I listened to it, singing along with the chorus, I got goosebumps because there is some serious pain in those lyrics. Go back and listen to it again. Haunting.
5. My boyfriend's feet with mine as we fall asleep. Perfect
6. Getting goodies in the mail from Amazon. It's not like I don't know what I'm getting-I ordered it. But a package on your doorstep that you definitely know isn't a bomb or some sort of Seven tribute is awesome. *You get a bonus point if you know the reference by the way.
7. Passing a level in fucking Candy Crush. Stupid, addicting internet game.
8. Head butts from my calico. Even if I'm irritated at the world, if she gets in my face and starts giving me nudges, I smile and start cooing ridiculous little kitty songs to her.
9. First sip of coffee. I didn't realize I audibly sighed with pleasure when I took that first sip until my coworker pointed it out. Sweet, sweet caffeinated nectar.
10. Fast forwarding through commercials and stopping just seconds before the show is back. Gets a fist pump and a 'yessss!' every time.
So....there you have it. And you know what? Almost all of my favorite things don't cost $250+. Maybe it's because I'm not a media icon....yet. ;-)
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
What I'm Looking For
Occasionally I need to update my 'what I'm looking for' list. This usually happens after I've stopped dating someone. Learning from experience or other some such zen shit.
There are some standards...but for the most part, every few years or so, as I get to know myself a little more, it changes.
The stats:
I'd like him to be a bit taller than me. Mostly so I can snuggle my head up under his chin and listen to his heart beat in a cuddle.
His weight doesn't matter, though I'm not particularly attracted to small men. I like average to big guys since I'm an average to big gal.
Eye and hair color are irrelevant. But, I like eyes that smile and hair that isn't longer than mine. Also, no mullets.
How old he is can vary. I'd prefer someone in my age range as I've noticed that guys in their 20s are absolutely not what I want. Let's go with a window of 35-45. For now.
Not a heavy drinker, smoker or recreational drug user. Everything in moderation.
Not a tenant of his parents' house. But has a relationship with his family.
Opens doors for me
Is nice to waitresses, children and old people
Likes animals
Tolerates puns
Knows how to spell
Can create conversation
Can share quiet
Has successfully moved forward from all past relationships
Is glad gay marriage is now legal
Is glad marijuana is now legal (even if he doesn't smoke it)
Should probably smoke it
Likes movies and doesn't talk during them
Doesn't mind ear plugs (I snore)
Not afraid to burp or fart or pee while I'm in the shower (not pee in my shower, but pee in the toilet while I'm in the shower. And only pee. Everyone should poop alone.) Also, 'dutch ovens' are not cute.
Is willing to try and understand (or at least tolerate) my pms symptoms
Can recognize the beauty in the little things
Not a player, gigolo, or 'ladies' man', If it's me, I want it to be only me.
Is employed or has something to do with his time
Likes to laugh
Picks up the check now and then
Has a romantic streak
Believes in marriage
Will respect my me time
Will have his own me time
Can perform basic computer stuff
Has patience
Practices sarcasm
Knows which movies the following quotes are from:
"It's cold, it's wet and I'm just plain scared!"
"Dark have been my dreams of late."
"We all go a little mad sometimes."
"The time has come, my little friends, to talk of other things..."
and knows what an R.O.U.S, a scruffy nerf-herder and an Orc are
Is willing to eventually learn that those examples are only the tip of the iceberg
Knows when to be silly
Knows when to be serious
No doubt this list will be revised again but I think that's a good start.
There are some standards...but for the most part, every few years or so, as I get to know myself a little more, it changes.
The stats:
I'd like him to be a bit taller than me. Mostly so I can snuggle my head up under his chin and listen to his heart beat in a cuddle.
His weight doesn't matter, though I'm not particularly attracted to small men. I like average to big guys since I'm an average to big gal.
Eye and hair color are irrelevant. But, I like eyes that smile and hair that isn't longer than mine. Also, no mullets.
How old he is can vary. I'd prefer someone in my age range as I've noticed that guys in their 20s are absolutely not what I want. Let's go with a window of 35-45. For now.
Not a heavy drinker, smoker or recreational drug user. Everything in moderation.
Not a tenant of his parents' house. But has a relationship with his family.
Opens doors for me
Is nice to waitresses, children and old people
Likes animals
Tolerates puns
Knows how to spell
Can create conversation
Can share quiet
Has successfully moved forward from all past relationships
Is glad gay marriage is now legal
Is glad marijuana is now legal (even if he doesn't smoke it)
Should probably smoke it
Likes movies and doesn't talk during them
Doesn't mind ear plugs (I snore)
Not afraid to burp or fart or pee while I'm in the shower (not pee in my shower, but pee in the toilet while I'm in the shower. And only pee. Everyone should poop alone.) Also, 'dutch ovens' are not cute.
Is willing to try and understand (or at least tolerate) my pms symptoms
Can recognize the beauty in the little things
Not a player, gigolo, or 'ladies' man', If it's me, I want it to be only me.
Is employed or has something to do with his time
Likes to laugh
Picks up the check now and then
Has a romantic streak
Believes in marriage
Will respect my me time
Will have his own me time
Can perform basic computer stuff
Has patience
Practices sarcasm
Knows which movies the following quotes are from:
"It's cold, it's wet and I'm just plain scared!"
"Dark have been my dreams of late."
"We all go a little mad sometimes."
"The time has come, my little friends, to talk of other things..."
and knows what an R.O.U.S, a scruffy nerf-herder and an Orc are
Is willing to eventually learn that those examples are only the tip of the iceberg
Knows when to be silly
Knows when to be serious
No doubt this list will be revised again but I think that's a good start.
Note to Self
There's a line from a movie, because there always is, and when the guy says he loves the girl she asks, "Why?"
He tells her it's because there isn't a part of her that doesn't feel everything.
I feel everything. It's exhausting. I also say whatever I'm thinking and I relate to people's stories. I'm too close to everything. Everyone. I feel electric, like my skin is just dancing...all the time.
Boundaries. Fences around my heart and thoughts to keep the bad guys out. But if I do that, if I close myself away, how do I let anyone in?
Balance. Don't give it all away. Don't keep it all to yourself. Take risks but don't be stupid. The world is scary but it's so very beautiful. Don't forget to live.
How do I know I'm going to have a guy that loves me because I love everything? You don't. Nothing is certain and everything is a possibility. Try to get out of your head a little and just let things happen.
Also, love doesn't happen like it does in the movies. It doesn't really happen like your parents had it either. Love is different for everyone and it might not even happen for you. Not because you suck or because you're unlovable but because it just might not. All that romantical stuff that you wish for just isn't very likely.
That's ok you know. Because you have you. And you're kind of awesome. And when you ask yourself why, it's ok to say, "Because I feel everything."
He tells her it's because there isn't a part of her that doesn't feel everything.
I feel everything. It's exhausting. I also say whatever I'm thinking and I relate to people's stories. I'm too close to everything. Everyone. I feel electric, like my skin is just dancing...all the time.
Boundaries. Fences around my heart and thoughts to keep the bad guys out. But if I do that, if I close myself away, how do I let anyone in?
Balance. Don't give it all away. Don't keep it all to yourself. Take risks but don't be stupid. The world is scary but it's so very beautiful. Don't forget to live.
How do I know I'm going to have a guy that loves me because I love everything? You don't. Nothing is certain and everything is a possibility. Try to get out of your head a little and just let things happen.
Also, love doesn't happen like it does in the movies. It doesn't really happen like your parents had it either. Love is different for everyone and it might not even happen for you. Not because you suck or because you're unlovable but because it just might not. All that romantical stuff that you wish for just isn't very likely.
That's ok you know. Because you have you. And you're kind of awesome. And when you ask yourself why, it's ok to say, "Because I feel everything."
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