Fuck you Disney

I'm 36 years old. Wait...37? No, no, 36. And I love cartoons. They're innocent and fun and they allow me to escape grown-updom a little bit. I will defend every single one I watch.

Except Disney.

I've watched Walt's creations since I was small and I have fond memories tied into nearly every story. Back before they were really about the new "princess", they had such a wonderful story vibe. They whisked you away with clever songs and brightly colored backgrounds.
I remember thinking in high school,'They're going to run out of fairy tales." And then Aladdin came out and I was like, 'whoa.'

I have seen nearly all of them-Cinderella a favorite followed closely by Alice in Wonderland and later, The Little Mermaid. But not because of Cinderella's dress or Ariel's hair. (For Alice it was all about the fantastic adventure and I'll probably watch that one before any of the others.) No it was about mom and me curled up on the couch reading those stories and then watching them together. Watching them so many times that we could quote them to one another and I'd often catch mom humming "Kiss the Girl" while she did dishes.

I love The Parent Trap because I've always wanted a twin and Pollyanna because I always wanted to live somewhere that had a white gazebo in the park and they had street fairs with giant pieces of yellow cake run by women that smelled like lilacs.

I put myself into those movies. I became Alice, and Ariel with all her crustacean buddies. Hell, Triton might as well have been my dad. I was nice like Pollyanna and clever like the twins from Parent Trap.

It wasn't until Nemo that I noticed the all the death. Someone always dies (or is already dead) in Disney flicks. If they aren't dead, they have some sort of parental issue. Incredibles is the first one that comes to mind where a main character doesn't die. Unless you count Gaser Beam and I totally don't.

As I've said, I've seen almost all of them and tonight I started to rewatch Dumbo. Despite my love of elephants, something had been holding me back from watching the classic again as an adult. Tonight I pushed play on Netflix and started crying five minutes in. All the feels!  I couldn't handle it. The mom was sad cause the stork flaked and all the other animals had their babies. Then the old "mean girl" elephants gave her all kinds of the business when the stork finally did show, and then they laughed at her kid! Bitches.  I didn't even remember she named him Jumbo Jr., not Dumbo! 

And then I started thinking about my feelings watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer the other night. How it was full of bullying and sexist comments and how much both me and Disney have changed over the years.
Except for all the death and weird family issues.

I guess if Disney taught me anything, it's that death and bad things will always be there. I just have to chose how I'm going to deal with them.


I like making lists.

Little Mermaid:  Where's Mrs. Triton? Dead? Dad is overly protective
Alice in Wonderland: It's her sister reading the book in the beginning. No mum and daddy? Also, drugs much?
Cinderella: dad died,  Cindy gets a wicked stepmother
Beauty & the Beast: no mom, dad's mental, Belle has a creepy stalker
Aladdin: street rat=orphan Also, Jasmine's mom is nowhere to be found
Finding Nemo: mom gets eaten
Bambi: Bang!
Snow White: Mom died,  dad remarries hag
Sleeping Beauty: parents leave her with fairies
Sword in the Stone: orphan adopted by crazy old man
Mary Poppins: mom and dad are totally self involved; kids are practically orphans until weird woman comes out of the sky and gives them medicine that makes them hallucinate
Jungle Book: orphan, raised by wolves
Up: that first fucking ten minutes
Pinnochio: made of wood, gets eaten by a whale, not a 'real' boy
Lion King: dad gets trampled to death by WILDEBEESTS


I think I've made my point. And really, it's just this. If you're having a shit day, maybe missing your mom a little, don't watch Dumbo.