Have You Seen This Girl?

What happened to me? I used to be someone else...someone different. Stronger. Where did I lose myself?

Where did I put me last? Where did I last see me?

In a relationship that was disastrous before it started.

He lives with his parents? He takes care of his mom.

He doesn't have a car? Neither do you.

He's a recovering addict? At least he's recovering. 

You're not that attracted to him. But he is to you, so it's ok.

 And that sealed it. He liked me so it didn't really matter that I liked him that much. Someone finally liked me. Someone was paying attention to me and telling me how pretty I was and how much they liked spending time with me and it was so....foreign to me. I drank it all up until I was intoxicated.

I ended up breaking up with him-the first time I'd ever done that- and it was so similar to firing someone that I almost asked for his key and badge when it was done.

And then I just decided I didn't need anyone. I was a fucking rock star and better off on my own. I'd meet the right guy when it was right. I was going to throw myself into work and then...

Work started to suck a little. I learned some things about myself and about others and it wasn't always good.

I went away then. With my friends and people that loved me no matter what and I felt my confidence start to creep back a little. I started walking taller. I started to believe that I really was ok on my own instead of just trying to make other people believe it.

And then the roller coaster dipped and I felt poorly about myself again.

What IS it? Is it pms? Is it just me? Am I fucking bi-polar? Am I just overly sensitive? WHY can't I just be?

Where did I lose myself?