As I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Sometimes, just before I go to sleep my thoughts start whirling. I keep a notepad and pen right by my bed so that when my mind just doesn't stop, I can write it out.

I only went back a week or so, but this is what I'd written. The phrases in italics are exactly as they are scribbled in almost sleep.

~I fell in love with myself all over again. 

I remember when this happened. I had this blissful moment when I realized that people really do like me. They like being around me and talking to me and laughing with me and they know I make them feel good. I figured out that I was pretty neat and that if I just tried to remember that more often, I was going to be ok.

~Work
scissors for kit

Big End Cap -Summer-
cool beds, travel bowls
chuck-its, float coats
travel packs, bandannas 
with sale price BIG

*Look for dog/cat dummy things online

Clearly this was a brainstorm of work ideas, including a jam packed display. I never did look for the dog/cat things...completely forgot about it until I found the notepad.

~It's all about me. Not selfish, just want to know it all. 

Naive. 

I  often wrestle with the thought that I make things too much about me. How does this affect me now and in the long run? How will I deal with it?  I'm naive most of the time so I feel like if I knew 'everything' then I wouldn't be so....well, naive. It's ridiculous and I know that. I can never know everything but I love being able to say I tried.

~Look for a dresser (thrift) to replace the Ikea piece of shit

I tried to move my dresser with a giant relic of a television on it and now it looks all crooked and sad. I want a dresser that looks like it's been loved.

~Grow your hair out. You always get haircut remorse. 

It's true. Every time. And so I grow it out and then about an inch past my shoulders I'm over it and the cycle continues.

~Make an eye appointment. 

I don't need eyes per se. I need to get my eyes checked however, and probably get new glasses.   PS. I also heard this one in my mom's voice.

~Start the drive thing. No seriously. DO IT. 

I really want to. I really really do.

~Go to New Orleans alone. Be brave and have an adventure. 

This is something that I really feel like I have to do. And I will.

~Go see the drag queen!

A gentle reminder that I freaking love drag queens, especially the one that is coming to town soon. I need to gather up my fellow Rupaul fans and make this happen.

This is where my weird almost asleep mind stops and starts to drift into dreams. If I remember right, I had a sex dream that night.