Breaking Up with Food

I have an unhealthy relationship with food. Ben and Jerry have been friends with benefits for years and the only 'benefit' I can see is that my ass is getting bigger.

I can't let it keep growing. My ass I mean. Or this unhealthy relationship with food. I need to break up with Ben and Jerry for good

I mean, we might still see each other but just until I find something else. You know, like fruit.

Seriously?

How the hell does fruit substitute for something that's named after the most beloved sweets of all time? Red Velvet Cake ice cream? Boston Cream Pie? Oatmeal Cookie Chunk? Chocolate Therapy?

That's what it is actually. Therapy. I'm gonna have to hear that differently in my head when using it to describe sweet treats from now on. Gonna pronounce it 'the rapy'.  As in the fat cells are raping the logical part of my brain that says 'no, you don't need that'.


Since I've started working in retail I'm much more aware of product placement. I get why they put the gum and candy bars right by the register. Those goodies are placed there so that you see them while you're waiting for the old lady in front of  you to finish writing her check. They are there to softly call to you while you scan the tabloid headlines. The candy bars especially try to woo from their little cardboard homes.  Fuckers.

Product placement works way more than I'm willing to admit.  They don't stock the Halloween candy in August to help you get a jump start on the holiday. They do it so you get a jump start on diabetes.

I'm not really blaming 'them'. I should have better will power and stop being all Ado Annie (she's just a girl that "cain't say no" fellow Oklahoma musical fans) about it. I've been getting better about walking right past the bakery with all it's yummy bread things. I've used the stationary bike a couple times for something other than a coat rack.

Ok I haven't really tried. Mostly because I hate exercise and love pastries. And ice cream.  I can't even go halfway with it and switch to B&J's FroYo. I mean, it's not like I haven't tried. It's damn tasty. Too tasty. But  my unhealthy relationship includes binging.  Christ, I'm half bulimic.

I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm feeling sad, happy, angry or frustrated. I eat instead of having a relationship. I eat because I'm not having sex. At least when I eat I can get instant gratification.  Not that 'instant' is really what I'm looking for...

All of this has sort of hit me over the last few days. It's weird, it's not like I suddenly blew up to parade float size-I've always been a big girl. But now it doesn't feel like it's about losing weight so I can stop describing myself that way. It's about getting healthy so I can live a long time. I want to be around my friends for a really long time. I want to watch  the Child of Corn grow up. I want to make a family of my own someday. I fear the day that dad isn't here anymore, but I don't want to go before he does either.  I wanna LIVE. I wanna see things and go places and meet people and be freaking awesome for years.

It starts with knowing I have this unhealthy relationship. Now I gotta work on letting go so I can move forward.

Sigh.

I hate break-ups.