All the Time

 I'm tired all the time. I feel like shit all the time. I want to cry but can't...all the time. I hate depression. 

I have a therapist. I'm on meds. I still don't want to do anything. I feel lazy all the time. I have a headache all the time. I just want to sleep...all the time. 

There's nothing really wrong. Depression doesn't care. It lies and it sucks all your energy and it makes it difficult to explain. 

I feel like I'm a burden. I feel like I'm not here. I feel like I could just disappear...all the time. 

I don't know how to express that I feel this way. I feel like I'm trying to explain all the time. I feel so fucking exhausted...all the time. 

I try to fake it. I post silly memes and jokes online so no one knows. I don't tell anyone except the few people I trust but they don't necessarily understand. I try to tell them but it doesn't make sense. They say to fake it till you make it and I fucking hate that saying. I don't want to. I just want to be ok without having to fake it. 

I'm cold all the time. I want to stay inside all the time. I just want it to be quiet...all the time. 

It feels weird to laugh when you have depression. The image most have is not that. It's someone in the corner, wrapped in a blanket and crying. I've been there too but this feels different. And I feel it all the time. 

Things seem to bother me all the time. I find myself irritated all the time. 

I know it's ok to feel this way. I know I'm going to come out of it eventually but I don't know when and that's hard for me. The feeling of unknown. Of waiting for things to feel better...

I just don't want to feel like this...all the time.