Clunky Girl

She wears those charm bracelets from the 80s. Clunky, neon colored plastic around her neck, bright against tattoos and olive skin. She has earrings up the cuff of one ear and her hair is platinum blonde, shaved on the sides.

She's fantastic at her job but you can tell she doesn't like it much.  Her eyes are heavy with a story she hasn't been able to tell in a long time. She laughs and jokes, interacts with her customers and coworkers but there's sadness. I saw it (felt it?) the first time I went through her line.

Time went on and I saw her frequently as I made that store the one I usually go to. I chit-chatted with her about where I work, told her to apply if she was interested. I even gave her a card once, a move I rarely make. I don't know if she ever called.  She might not be happy but her customers never know it. And she's fast. She knows what she's doing.

It had been a long day but seeing her in the 15 items or less line cheered me. I noticed her jewelry--less today but still the same bright plastic--and I wondered if a child made it for her or it was just her style. The line moved quickly as it always did when she was running it and I was soon close enough to see she was fighting back tears.

The person in front of me didn't notice and I held my breath. She was usually so joyful, even with that sadness. She was really struggling to keep herself together and I felt my heart reach out to her immediately.

"Tough one today?" I asked her gently.

"Tough life."

I nodded, debated if I should say anything more. I could tell she didn't want to talk and I respected that but there was this part of me that just ached to comfort her. I don't know why, I don't know her...in fact I'm not even sure I know her name. But in that moment, she was hurting and I wanted to make it stop.

"Can I show you a cheesy meme to try and make you laugh a little?"
She looked at me warily, "I don't think it's going to work."
I fidgeted a bit, started scrolling quickly through my phone. "Ok, well I'm gonna try."
I turned the phone towards her and she looked, read the silly line. She gave me a sigh that might have been a chuckle and focused on finishing the transaction.

I felt a little like I'd pushed too hard and I left her line feeling foolish. Poor girl probably just wanted to be left alone and here I am with my invasive memes. I thought about it a lot. About her. About how she had to keep working through whatever she was going through. Smiling and nodding and being polite to strangers that don't notice she's falling apart.

I went to the store again of course. I looked for her every time and sometimes she was there. Tonight she was the checker next to mine. During some friendly chatter I was able to turn to her.

"It's nice to see you smiling. Doing a bit better these days?"
"I am better today! Thank you. I'm not quite there yet but definitely better than I was."

I felt a rush of relief flow through me. I could tell she was being honest. She wasn't quite where she wanted to be but I think she'll get there.

I have no idea if she even remembers me. If she did, she never let on.
She wouldn't though, it's not her style.