I've always been jumpy. My dad used to seemingly just appear in the kitchen while I poured milk on my cereal. He was so quiet. I always heard mom-her bracelets. And later, her cough. But dad was the definition of stealth.
When I was managing a retail store, the staff took great delight in hiding behind corners and jumping out at me. They didn't have to. Sometimes they'd get me just by walking into my office.
I just thought I was like this. I didn't know it was a pretty clear sign of an anxiety disorder. That shit all starts from somewhere... probably from my childhood. Dad's gone for the summer, he might not come back because what he does is dangerous. Mommy can't have that or she'll get really sick...
I don't like it. I don't like the rush of terror that floods through me when something or someone unexpectedly crosses my path. I have literally been startled by my own shadow. I'll see something out of the corner of my eye and feel threatened. The "something" could be a person or a coat rack. It's just in my line of vision when it wasn't a moment ago and that freaks me out.
Being "on edge" is supposed to be alleviated through meditation, sleep, less stressful environments. All of which are incredibly difficult to achieve when you are in fact, feeling anxious.
The mind spins.
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