And Then Some

I had big plans to start eating better two days ago and instead I made a fantastically huge breakfast. I sat on my couch in my robe with my boyfriend and watched cartoons and ate bacon and eggs and potatoes and bratwurst and kraut and coffee and it was ridiculously tasty.

After breakfast we took a nap.

Not very new year's resolution-y.

It was amazing.

After the nap, we went grocery shopping and bought food to make an equally stellar dinner. While we were in the store and I was perusing shelves, he called his parents to wish them a happy new year. I liked him just a little bit more then.

He's so thoughtful. And considerate. And funny. And responsible but still spontaneous. He's adorable. And honest. And kind. And gentle but still strong. He's everything I knew I wanted but didn't think I'd find.

We had ice cream after breakfast. With nutmeat. Sounds like an inside joke and it is. It's also little bits of pistachio.


Went to the Nutcracker with the girls this year and it was lovely as it always is. We posed in front of the same place everyone else did while a stranger took our picture. Moments later and I see us in a text message. I see me. Yup. Still fat. But this time I don't feel a pang of sadness with the realization.

I mean, I guess I do a little, but it doesn't make me want to create a self-hate crime. Instead I feel hope override the disappointment. For the first time in maybe ever, I believe I can change. I have told myself more times than I can count that this would be the year I finally lose weight and get my license and fall in love and get a raise and move into a house and travel and do all the other things I tell myself I'm going to do.

This time I feel like I can do all those things and then some. I need to be healthier. I need to make some changes. I want to do the then some.

I like the picture from the Nutcracker. It shows me with my friends. I'm smiling and standing with my arms around them, and they're smiling too. We're celebrating who we are with each other and it's beautiful.

I am beautiful.