Advice

"Maybe it's time for you to just let it go. "

"If you exercised, that would help."

"Have you tried yoga?"

"Well, maybe if you got out more."

People have good intentions. And I understand how much it hurts to see someone you care for struggling. I know too, that for many, the first instinct is to fix the person hurting. I don't always remember this either, but the truth is....You can't. They have to fix themselves.

What you CAN do is support them. Listen and give gentle advice when they ask for it. Let them cry or sleep or eat bad food or not eat anything at all if that's what they need to do.

But there's a line right? You want to let them get through on their own and be that super supportive friend, but you also don't want to watch them self destruct. Make phone calls or texts often. Let them know you're thinking about them, or even that you're worried if you are. Let them know over and over again that they are not alone.

Sometimes, you can't see it. The person is laughing and smiling and working and eating and throwing parties and living. Nothing seems to be wrong at all. But underneath all of that is a simmering depression, waiting to be alone with the person again.  So, ask things like, "How ya doing?" or "What have you been up to lately?" or even something like, "Do you want to get a coffee?" Even if the person doesn't want to go out, that simple question can sometimes help you see where their mood lies and it shows you still want to spend time with them. For me, sometimes that helps.

This isn't supposed to be an advice column but I've struggled with depression for years. Anxiety too. And while I know what I need, another person may need something different. Just don't stop trying.  And don't try to fix them. Just listen, support, believe and ask questions if you don't understand.